Have you ever experienced the uncomfortable strain of wanting to discuss sex but didn’t know how to do so without feeling overwhelmed? Initiating a conversation about sex with your partner in a new relationship can seem as if you’re trying to disarm a bomb. However, it doesn’t have to feel that way.
It’s time to cover the fun but important stuff—how to bring up sex in new relationship without sounding like you’re about to deliver a TED Talk. This article will cover tips and personal insights, including advice from a dating expert from HookupGuru that might surprise you.
Why Talking About Sex is No Big Deal
To begin with, discussing sexual matters with your partner should not be considered as something forbidden. Regardless of whether you’ve just started dating or have been married for years, everyone has their own preferences, needs, and limitations. And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with talking about them!
For example, one study shows that between 30 and 40% of dating and married couples get intimate within the first month of their relationship. So, while it might feel weird, you’re not alone in thinking about how to bring up sex in a new relationship.
Here’s another thing to consider—discussions about sex aren’t reserved only for serious stages in a relationship. Regardless of whether you’re only a few dates in or contemplating moving in together, these conversations can help smoothen things out.
So, How Do You Start Talking About Sex?
Begin with a modest approach. There’s no need to dive headfirst into heavy topics. A simple question like, “Hey, have you ever considered our approach to intimacy?” can be very effective. It’s relaxed, yet pointed enough to stimulate a conversation.
Here’s how to discuss intimacy in your relationship without making it feel like a task:
- Keep it light at first
- Use humor if you’re nervous
- Body language matters
What Not to Do
Take note, everyone is unique but there are certain things you should steer clear from when initiating sexual dialogues. Let’s focus on what you should not do:
- Avoid turning it into a major proclamation – stating “We need to talk about our sex life!” can come off as if you’re about to delve into a discussion about taxes. Maintain a casual approach.
- Stay away from blaming – No one enjoys feeling accused or criticized. Refrain from making statements such as, “You never make the first move,” or “You’re constantly avoiding closeness.”
- Don’t hurry – it’s a dialogue, not a single occurrence. Allow it to progress naturally.
Why Women Might Struggle More with Sexual Conversations
While bringing up sex in a relationship is important, not everyone finds it easy. A survey shows that men feel more at ease talking about their desires than women. Around 48% of men bring up sexual desires weekly, while only 34% of women do.
What’s the reason for the difference? These dialogues often make women feel uneasy. Some are unsure of their desires, while others report feeling anxious. It’s no surprise that these discussions don’t occur as frequently as they should.
The truth is, if you’re a woman feeling apprehensive about discussing sex with your partner, you’re not the only one. There’s no definitive “correct” method to approach this conversation.
How to Talk to Your Partner About Sex
You might be familiar with the saying, “learn to talk and listen.” This is particularly valid when it comes to conversations about sexuality.
Let me share a brief anecdote with you. My friend Joe once attempted to initiate a conversation about sexual preferences with his girlfriend at breakfast, using the line, “So, what’s your favorite position?” Understandably, the conversation went downhill from there. The lesson from this? Timing and tact are crucial when discussing intimate topics.
Why Timing Matters When Bringing Up Sex
Isn’t timing crucial? Certain matters must occur at the appropriate moment. This is equally applicable when discussing intimacy in a budding relationship. Whether you’re several weeks into dating or just initiating, it’s not so much about the timing of the conversation, but rather the manner in which you handle it.
Better follow these tips instead:
- Reworded: Initial Indications – If you observe a growing physical closeness, it would be wise to talk about intimacy before it naturally progresses in that direction.
- Select a relaxed environment – Opt for a time when the two of you feel comfortable. Perhaps after a mutual sharing of personal interests, like your shared obsession with Stranger Things.
- Avoid waiting too long – Setting the groundwork early is better than waiting until you’re already in bed, which can lead to awkward situations. This way, you can prevent unexpected surprises.
How to React When Your Partner Brings Up Sex First
So, your partner initiates a conversation about sex and you’re immediately engulfed in panic, wondering, “what should I say?” Keep calm. This is your chance to express yourself without having to be the one to start the conversation. The most effective action you can take? Remain relaxed.
Let me share a story with you: My buddy Alex shared an experience where his girlfriend nonchalantly inquired, “What do you think about trying something new in bed?” in the middle of a Netflix marathon. His immediate reaction was panic and evasion, which effectively ruined the atmosphere and ended the conversation. The takeaway from this is to remain composed and receptive to the conversation. Here’s a more advisable approach:
- Recognize their bravery – Discussing sexual desires can often be challenging, so appreciate your partner for making the bold move.
- Speak truthfully, yet considerately – If you find it fascinating, that’s wonderful. If you don’t, there’s no problem either. Simply convey your emotions without completely dismissing theirs. A response such as, “I’ve never considered that perspective, but I’m willing to discuss it further” can be very effective.
- Inquire further – If they are initiating the topic, they are seeking your perspective. Ask them about their feelings or if there is something particular on their mind.
Final Thoughts
Discussing intimacy in a budding relationship doesn’t necessarily have to be anxiety-inducing. It might initially feel somewhat uncomfortable, but the more you engage in such conversations, the simpler it becomes. The key lies in reciprocal respect, candid communication, and possibly incorporating a touch of humor. For instance, if dinosaurs don’t tickle your funny bone, you could ask their opinion on whether ghosts engage in intimacy – it does break the ice, believe me.
So, how do you broach the topic of sex? By employing honesty, patience, and a great deal of empathy. Each relationship varies, but addressing the issue early will help avoid confusion in the future.